Beyond Agreement

Launching ‘Beyond Agreement’ began with a seed of uncertainty nestled deep within my parenting journey. This project, born from a culmination of small, almost subconscious experiences, is quite literally rooted in love – a space for respectful debate, driven by the hope that kindness can cure the ever-worsening way we speak to others.

I want to share this story with you, my new community. Not just so you can get to know me better, but also to lay bare the path I’ve walked, including my own flawed communication. I’ll highlight others who have profoundly influenced my thinking on respectful dialogue, and we’ll explore together how society’s conversations seem to have frayed into discord.

The Seed of Disagreement

My story doesn’t stretch back to my childhood; it really begins just a few years ago. We had just given my oldest child access to a messaging platform designed for kids. “Perfect,” I thought, “she can learn to navigate virtual communication in a safe, parent-involved way.”

Well, it wasn’t long before I received my first parental notification. It read, “Brittany, your child has blocked Sarah as a friend on this platform” (names and language modified for anonymity). My immediate response was pure concern. My mind raced, listing a litany of online assaults my child might have endured to prompt such a profound action. I braced myself for tears, hurt, and sorrow as I initiated our therapeutic conversation. I was in complete shock when, seconds in, I learned that “Sarah was being annoying.”

This was uncharted parenting territory for me. I’d never blocked anyone on any platform; I don’t make this remark in the spirit of superiority, but rather to emphasize my unfamiliarity with the situation. My initial internal reaction was a mix of “Oh god, how rude of my child!” and “Oof, that was a selfish and immature thing to do.” My empathy, as it too often does, flipped to consider how the blocked individual must be feeling. I wondered how apparent the block was, and if the platform notified the other parent. But these were all internal monologues. I strive to be thoughtful in my parenting, and this was a situation I’d never considered.

So, I did nothing. I’m not even sure I said much of anything. My internal monologue then switched gears, advocating for “letting my child engage in their own social environment on their terms.” I knew children practiced both desirable and undesirable behaviors in their social networks; they test what works and what doesn’t, and these tests shape them through peer feedback. I chalked this up to falling into that same social learning category. But here I sit, years later, wondering if I was wrong. I don’t think our kids experience social learning online the same way they do on the playground or in other real-life play. How will our kids evolve to be well socialized adults if they move through their virtual world blocking conflict instead of dealing with it? Still, this seed, planted all those years ago, lay dormant in my mind.

The Irritant: A Deeper Dive into Online Discourse

The irritant that finally awoke these dormant thoughts has been my significantly increased exposure to social media. For the last few months, I’ve returned to being a stay-at-home mom. I often sit with my beautiful new baby contact napping in one arm, while my other hand scrolls through social media.

This increased scrolling time has led me to a new habit: venturing into the comments section. What a dalliance into a mean, unhelpful, and hyper-judgmental corner of the internet that is! This exposure has compounded, especially as I’ve watched leaders, even those in the highest positions, normalize bullying, elevate misogyny, and perpetuate heinous examples of racism. It feels like the culture of a keyboard warrior has been brought to the highest office in one of the world’s most powerful and influential countries.

The Tipping Point: A Glimmer of Hope

Most recently, I was listening to one of my favourite podcasts, featuring a discussion with a renowned public health expert. I found myself having a moment of profound clarity from what this expert was saying.

I highly recommend you listen to the episode yourself, but this expert spoke about the deliberate behaviors she engaged in to understand the perspectives of those in various realms of the vaccine-hesitant community. At one point, this public health doctor, an expert in epidemiology, had the humility to ask folks in the Make America Healthy Again (MAHA) movement to provide feedback on a vaccine FAQ she was developing. What’s more, this expert recognized how genuinely helpful their feedback was. Talk about being the adult in the room!

And let’s not forget to applaud the individuals of the MAHA movement that were engaged by this expert. These individuals could have easily said, “Why should we help you?” They could have been cynical, believing their input wouldn’t truly be heard or valued. Instead, they recognized an opportunity to be part of the conversation, to contribute meaningfully. Ultimately, while it likely aided the medical community they’ve grown to mistrust, it also gave them a seat at the table.

Hearing about this interaction—the maturity, the respect these individuals held for one another while also holding opposing views on significant societal issues—for me, this was the tipping point. This moment, paired with a culmination of smaller experiences, was the moment that made me want to throw my pebble into the ocean and start a ripple.

Now, notice I said I’m throwing my pebble into the ocean, not a pond. I’m keeping my goals very measurable. If this blog, this community, allows even one person in just one disagreement in their life to take a moment to pause, let their righteous indignation settle, and then truly listen and understand what the other is trying to say or why they are saying it, then this will have been a success.

What ideas do you have for topics?

Today’s lighter debate is: which web browser is your go-to and why? Are you very loyal to it, or is it just the easiest icon? Let me know in the poll or jump into the comments to really break it down for me!